“Changethe way you look at things and the things you look at change” (Wayne Dyer).

Two months ago the Corona Pandemia turned my life upside down. I was facing changes I never asked for: My husband losing his job, me being at home with a depression, us being socially isolated in our tiny 29qm apartment. The whole situation felt like a heavy burden I wasn’t able to carry.

Looking back at what happened I can say now: Thank you – it was what I needed, as it turned out to be one of the greatest catalysts of my personal growth.

Nevertheless I rocked bottom first.

I worried day in and day out about everything – how to pay the bills, when I finally would feel better, if my immune system was strong enough. On top of it I became an expert in beating myself up for my worries.

During these days I stumbled across a symbol I have seen endless times before – the Yin and Yang circle – and suddenly I understood.

Following the idea of Yin and Yang the full circle is formed by two complementary, equally important forces which are at the same time part of each other (the black dot in the white half and the white dot in the black half). Forces can be for example: Good and bad, black and white or male and female.

It was that small white dot in the black half of the Yin and Yang symbol, which finally turned my life to the better again, because it showed me the piece I missed the whole time:

What is the positive, helpful message of everything I perceive as negative?

I stopped pretty much right away to beat myself up for my worries, fears and imperfections – instead I started to listen.

Yes, I worry a lot about my financial situation. But you know, I’m grateful that’s what I can worry about, because it means I can plan for the future and don’t have severe health issues who will make me worry, if I will survive the next day.

Yes, it was more than shocking for me to see once again how vulnerable we as human beings are and how quickly everything can come to an end. The Corona Pandemia forced me to question more seriously, what I truly want to go for, as life is short and limited. I started to act more instead of waiting. I told my husband even more how much I love him. I quit my job and think of ideas to grow my own business. I was risk-avoidant when it came to moving my life into a new direction, until the Pandemia unrevealed what truly matters:  Is what I’m going to do affect my health or the health of my beloved ones? If not, there’s nothing to be scared about.

Yes, I am a perfectionist and I tried my whole life to get rid of it. Now I can see as well that I seem to believe in me – how could I otherwise try to reach perfectionism, if I wouldn’t think I can do it better?

Yes, I am scared of many things, including getting sick one day. My perspective change helped me to look at my fears as the part inside me, who wants to protect and take good care of me. My fears remind me to keep a healthy, conscious lifestyle. 

What do I want to tell you with all of that? That maybe the solution is not trying to turn you into something else, but opening up in a loving way to whom you really are – especially opening up to what you perceive as negative or imperfect part of you. By looking closer it might be actually an equally valuable, worthy side that deserves the same attention and love as the positive half.

When I stopped fighting and started to see all of my thoughts, behaviours and emotions in a loving way I suddenly started being me – despite or maybe because of the pandemia.

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• Looking for the loving meaning in everything – radical kindness